These are the stories of the boys of my life. Not all of the boys, just the ones I've dated. Not all of the stories either, mostly the basics. It was interesting to think back to these relationships, and in my reflection I learned a lot. My mind is still racing and I keep remembering things and people I've left out. I want to keep this relatively short though, so those will have to wait. I can already think of two I've left out, and I can't believe I forgot them. We never dated though, so they fall under a different category. That said, they're no less important than these four.
I'm wondering if I'm a serial monogamist? I have gone from one relationship to the next. I've never been able to go out to a party and make out with a boy and then forget about it the next day. At the same time, I'm not one to have long ongoing crushes that I know will never turn into anything else.
From seventeen to nineteen, four short chapters, four boys.
My first relationship ended poorly. We're talking Sex and the City post-it note break-up style poorly. (I always want to call it Sex in the City…am I the only one?) We're talking text message break-up the day after my 18th birthday which was spend in the hospital poorly. Yeah, it was pretty bad. It was also the longest relationship I've had to this day. I was young and inexperienced at the time, and he was older and definitely knew what he was doing in many aspects of love and life. I'm thankful it happened and I learned so much from him. He's the only ex of mine that I still talk to today. It took a long time for me to get to that point with him.
My second relationship was short, sweet and innocent. Unfortunately, we both wanted very different things from it. I saw it as fun and lighthearted and he was looking for something much more serious. I went to college and broke his heart in the process. Don't worry, relationship karma got me back for that one.
My third relationship consisted of a sequel and while that was significantly better than the original, the ending was still an incredible letdown. I experienced firsthand the how much a person can change in a short amount of time, as well as the fact that those changes may not be permanent. Things were significantly better the second time around, but obviously it didn't last. There is only so much flowers can fix. Oh, and there was another woman involved - her name was Mary Jane.
My fourth relationship was the most complicated (and controversial) of them all. It was also the one that has affected me the most, even though it was the shortest. Sometimes you meet someone at the wrong time in your life. This was one of those situations. There was an incredibly long build up, almost a year. And then, I did some things I'm not proud of today. Someone pointed out to me that I did this and when I knew I could just leave afterwards and never have to face it again. This isn't entirely true nor did that even occur to me at the time. We both had feelings for each other and it just happened. I try to remember that I'm not entirely to blame. As they say, it takes two to tango. Trust me, I feel enough guilt about the whole situation.What hurts now that it's over is not how it ended or who he's with, but it's the fact that he's no longer in my life whatsoever. I suppose I deserve that.
And we can't forget everything that came before, after, and in between these relationships. There were the crushes when I was in elementary school, awkward middle school dances, my one and only DFMO (dance floor make out), stalker Scientologists who don't get the picture, guy friends who confess things out of the blue, adorable five year olds who propose to you because you're their favorite reading tutor, the boy who I thought was a friend that took it too far, the times where I wanted to give up on boys completely, and the times where I don't know what's going to happen next, and I'm okay with that.
They've helped me become who I am today, what doesn't break you makes you stronger, you know all the cliches. All of the ups and downs really have taught me about myself. I can honestly say I cared about these people, and I still care about them today. We may not be together, but I want them to be happy. And if they are, that's great! I know I'm happy right now, and I always try to make sure others are too.
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